| Sunday, May 27, 2007 |
| I want a man, not a boy |
So I went out Friday night with 'the' guy and some of his mates. It was not far off a complete disaster!
I arrived. Didn't know anyone. Went to the bar, gave the barman a twenty, got change for 10! Wasn't happy, but that got sorted. Sat down, got introduced - very briefly - and say guy turned his back on me (literally!) and carried on a conversation he was having. Everyone else was chatting to each other too. It was a couple of minutes before the girls to my right took pity on me and started talking - you don't really want to butt in on a conversation, do you? So you, well I do, sit there like a lemon until somebody makes an opening.
Hardly spoke to him at all that evening. He was too busy chatting to this girl he'd met at a churchy thing Monday night.
And you know what? When I told him this morning I'd felt isolated as I was the only one who didn't know anyone, he said that wasn't true! That the others didn't either. This girl, apparently didn't know anyone. Apart from, of course, the 2 friends she'd brought with her! (She was young, pretty and blonde, if that has any bearing on the matter!)
Sometimes it hurts to have your eyes opened. When you realise that you don't even register on this person's social radar. That you're just that slightly crazy girl from church who he's known for 18 months, occasionally done things with, makes great banana cakes. All that after being really, really sweet the week before on her birthday! (He got me a card and doctored it to be a 30-year-old card because he didn't like any of the proper 30 cards, and had to buy special pens to do it! I was touched by that. A lot. And then came back to watch Dr Who at my place after the party.)
I'm not sure if I like the him I saw outside of church, outside of 1-on-1.
Maybe this is the wake up call I need to let go. To let him go. To let God into my life and to allow Him to move me on. Thing is, when I see him at church it's hard to reconcile the guy I was with Friday night.
Is it too much to ask for a man, not a boy? Ah well... That's life. |
posted by Calia77 @ 9:24 pm  |
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| 3 Comments: |
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No, it's not too much to ask. And you are right - he's a BOY. I want you to find a man. I want me to find one too.
No, I want God to SEND us one.
I am so tired of being alone and lonely I actually thought of going out to a pub tonight by myself just to have someone to talk to. But I know what it looks like for a woman to sit alone at a bar so I will sit at home instead and wonder why the hell life is so damn lonely for some us.
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I read this when you posted it, and have been thinking about it. I bet my husband would have done the same thing in the same situation. Not because he doesn't love me but because he thinks I'm capable of doing my own thing. So in a way it's a compliment. But it is true. Men are clueless :)
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I read your comment on my blog and I guess I was really wrong. I would have walked out too. Who understands guys? Really.
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No, it's not too much to ask. And you are right - he's a BOY. I want you to find a man. I want me to find one too.
No, I want God to SEND us one.
I am so tired of being alone and lonely I actually thought of going out to a pub tonight by myself just to have someone to talk to. But I know what it looks like for a woman to sit alone at a bar so I will sit at home instead and wonder why the hell life is so damn lonely for some us.