| Thursday, April 19, 2007 |
| Cynic, insecure or realist? |
I've ranted on my 'public' blog (Jo's Ramblings) about guys who approach on internet dating sites with the classic opener... "Hi pretty!" I posted about it on the dating site's boards, and there seems to be an overwhelming majority opinion - they guy just isn't sleazy.
Maybe I'm a cynic. Maybe, as has been suggested, I'm just insecure in my looks. Maybe I'm just looking for an excuse to reject him because my heart's elsewhere. Maybe I'm a realist. I wondered what my blog friends thought?
So I get this email (paraphrased):
"Hi pretty. I am highly favoured seeing your pretty face on the screen. I believe there is something interesting and fascinating about you. I viewed your picture and I liked what I saw, you look very unique and your profile is dynamic. I find people like you very interesting. As children of God, we should be able to talk about what God has done in our lives." So I responded. Harshly? A little. Testing. To see if there is more than just what I look like. "Thank you for your message. Please tell me - what is it that you believed is interesting and fascinating about me?"
He replied...
"What was fascinating and interesting is 'your smiles'. Your smiles tell a lot about the person you are. keep it up, you are an asset. Am interested in knowing you a bit further, what more will you be willing to share with me?"
You can tell he doesn't know me. Not seen me with PMS, or after a church council meeting. The smiles sure go then. I thought, I'll see this a little longer. I'm trying! But I'm not going to give everything out - my profile is prolific (who'd've thought it, eh? Me! Write a lot!), so what else does he want to know. So I said... "Thank you for the compliment. What do you want to know? I'll let you know if I'm not happy to answer a question. So do ask..."
And he responded...
"I will like to know everything about you, something strikes me about you so have picked interest. Feel free to ask me questions and I will be more than willing to answer them." Wow! That 'seems' rather keen - or just nuts! But, and call me old-fashioned, if the guy's really interested he'll ask me questions, not just bat the ball back over the net again. That's just lazy. And I don't want a lazy bloke. Well, no lazier than most (JOKE!!)
I'm stuck, wondering what to reply.
In the meantime, checked out a few responses to my post on the boards. To see what others thought.
The general consensus, men and women, was that it was a nice thing to say, an opener akin to "nice weather we're having" and that's it's a great confidence boost. Sure, if it's genuine. But then I said posted about guys who commented that you look pretty, not the opening line being "Hi pretty."
One man responded with: "Beauty is more than skin deep and if a guy is so insensitive to start a conversation like that then its not worth opening dialogue. Its a good job Jesus was not like that. He looks at the heart."
Some women (and one man) told me that I was being harsh - unless the email was improper in any way. Another woman told me I was judging him unfairly.
One woman who understood where I was raised her head in the midst of all this:
"That has happened to me and it's obvious that the man writing has simply cut and pasted the email to different women. If you start off with 'Hi beautiful' or something similar, you don't even need to put her name in! And you can continue with something very general like, 'I like your profile and feel we have much in common...I think you are a very special person' etc etc. I'm much more put off by the idea that I'm one of many people to have been sent that mail, than by the compliment."
But then back to those who obviously have less suspicion and more grace than me, with one woman excusing it on the fact that "men do seem more likely to make 'personal' remarks when emailing rather than 'we like the same books'!", but acknowledging that it's all down to the tone and the rest of the email.
One man suggested I, "accept the complement gracefully and prove that the properly beautiful bit, isn't too deep. I reckon any alternative plays to one's vanity or insecurity."
And the final comment to date (from a man), after stating that some men use the opening line sarcastically and demeaningly: "But I also think woman who take offence to generally good humoured banter of that nature, maybe have a lack of security in their own looks, and use the offence part as a protective shield."
Any thoughts, my friends? |
posted by Calia77 @ 8:03 pm  |
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| 3 Comments: |
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Me, have an opinion or thought on this? HA! Where do I begin! First let me commend you for not falling for these guys and for bringing it up in a public forum! That's brilliant, maybe some naive women will see it and get a clue and maybe some of the lazy blokes who cut and paste impersonal text will re-think their "style".
I really don't have much to add except that when I am on a dating site and get a generic "Hey beautiful, loved your profile" comment, I respond with "thank you" and move on. I have done what you did as well - tested them to see if they would actually have enough interest to READ what I wrote! If not, they don't deserve my attention.
I also did a little experiment once when I was signed up on a site, but not seriously interested in dating.
I posted a flattering pic of myself, an okay pic and a crappy pic. I re-wrote my profile for each one, making sure the nice photo made me sound like a man-hating bitch with mental problems....it still got twice as many responses as the other two profiles where I was being my true self.
I hate dating sites....but i will probably use one again if I want to meet someone.
Hey you just left me a comment!!! Hurray.
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sorry if i missed this but what is it about being called pretty that offended you?
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I've never been on a dating site, so I don't know much. But the first email he sent sounds like a 'surface' email. Which is probably fine for a first email. But when you said things or asked things with some depth, his responses were still 'surface'. My impression would be that he had little depth and I would move on, which it sounds like you did :)
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Me, have an opinion or thought on this? HA! Where do I begin! First let me commend you for not falling for these guys and for bringing it up in a public forum! That's brilliant, maybe some naive women will see it and get a clue and maybe some of the lazy blokes who cut and paste impersonal text will re-think their "style".
I really don't have much to add except that when I am on a dating site and get a generic "Hey beautiful, loved your profile" comment, I respond with "thank you" and move on. I have done what you did as well - tested them to see if they would actually have enough interest to READ what I wrote! If not, they don't deserve my attention.
I also did a little experiment once when I was signed up on a site, but not seriously interested in dating.
I posted a flattering pic of myself, an okay pic and a crappy pic. I re-wrote my profile for each one, making sure the nice photo made me sound like a man-hating bitch with mental problems....it still got twice as many responses as the other two profiles where I was being my true self.
I hate dating sites....but i will probably use one again if I want to meet someone.
Hey you just left me a comment!!! Hurray.