| Friday, January 19, 2007 |
| Dreaming of an escape |
Creating Space to Dance Together
When we feel lonely we keep looking for a person or persons who can take our loneliness away. Our lonely hearts cry out, "Please hold me, touch me, speak to me, pay attention to me." But soon we discover that the person we expect to take our loneliness away cannot give us what we ask for. Often that person feels oppressed by our demands and runs away, leaving us in despair. As long as we approach another person from our loneliness, no mature human relationship can develop. Clinging to one another in loneliness is suffocating and eventually becomes destructive. For love to be possible we need the courage to create space between us and to trust that this space allows us to dance together.
Henri Nouwen Society Daily Meditation for January 19, 2007 I had a dream this week.
I had been kidnapped and was locked in a room. Despite being held against my will, the room was fairly cosy and comfortable. However, I was naked - vulnerable.
Outside, through the window, I could see these guys who were my potential rescuers (S was one of them). I could call out to them, but I'm not sure if I did. I don't know if they knew I was in their, as they weren't coming to my rescue. Either they didn't want to rescue me, or couldn't work out how to.
In the end I had to set myself free. Which was actually quite easy, as I'd been shown the way out and nobody was actually guarding me.
I don't know whether you've ever had prophetic dreams or dreams that you know are God speaking to you. I can't remember the last time - if ever - that has happened to me. But I see in the dream so much truth about my situation that this can only be from God.
I referenced the passage above because I think that this ties in very well with it. All of this is linked in with my pain, my loneliness, my desperation to be with someone. But as was said: I can't form a meaningful relationship if it's purely out of desperation. Perhaps I'm allowing myself to wallow too much in my 'misery'; almost enjoying it! And if I'm enjoying it too much, then man is going to want to 'rescue' me from that. Besides which, I know the way out, and the only reason I am still in my 'prison' is not because I'm held there against my will, but because in some way or other I am choosing to stay there.
That is what my resolution to stop chasing after a husband is all about - letting go of that need, that desperation.
Which is hard. Because, what comedian Daniel Kitson said resonates with me: he just wants the mundanity, the familiarity of a relationship where you can say to someone, "stand here and stir this whilst I go to the toilet". That's what I long for - though some passion would also be good! And that's why when all is getting on top of me, life feels too much. God is meant to be my everything, the One I cling to, draw strength from, run to when it's all too much. But, and I try not to say this too irreverently, God isn't going to do the washing up or cook my supper when I'm shattered, rub my back when I have period pains, pop out and buy tissues when I have a nasty cold, change a fuse or a lightbulb, clamber into the cellar when the gas meter needs reading or warm my feet in bed. There are some needs/wants/desires that only a man can meet for me.
But if I'm only looking for that out of a desperate search, then I'm going to stay locked in my prison, banging on the window at all these guys who either can't or won't rescue me. Until I walk out of that place myself, I can't be with them. |
posted by Calia77 @ 7:42 pm  |
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| 3 Comments: |
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well, this hit home for sure. i have to ask myself sometimes if wanting a man in my life so desperately is what keeping one from being in my life?
ugh
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I tried to comment here yesterday, but Blogger was having issues with me.
I was glad in the dream that you rescued yourself. That is so powerful.
I have a husband but he does nothing on your list. Though, it's not like I ask him to either. I guess if it's important to you and you let him know and he cares about you he would work on those things.
Get this example, from last night. 2am- James is crying from some sort of ear infection. He is up for 2 hours crying and moaning. I gave him a Junior Advil at 2am but he didn't take it, just put it on the bed. When I realized this at 4am, got the Advil and he fell asleep. Amount husband heard of this = 0!!!
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Having trouble posting this comment on the joke post above. Visual verification is a problem. So here it is:
I love this joke!!! I'd forgotten about it. May I add it to my site's "HUMOR Round Table?" (Giving credit where credit is due, of course!)
Yes, your mate won't be delivered by the stork. :~)
Dating does take effort. Just like marriage... :~)
*Do you take care with your grooming? *Do you try to smile?
*Do you chat up guys (when appropriate)?
*Do you ask for their help, and then express a huge "Thank You?
*Do you join the guys in their active pursuits? (Like sports?)
All these things express respect to young men, and will help attract the right man to you. :~)
(((Hugs)))
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well, this hit home for sure. i have to ask myself sometimes if wanting a man in my life so desperately is what keeping one from being in my life?
ugh