| Sunday, June 10, 2007 |
| Eye of the storm |
In the middle of a tornado is a quite, silent, still bit - the eye of the storm.
He brought her - and a friend - to church again today. I didn't go, but had to be there at the end for a Sunday School meeting. I successfully - and pointedly! - managed to ignore him completely. Quite rude at one point!
She came over to say 'Hi!' My vicar laughed as she did this - I could see him and pulled a face at him, which is probably why he laughed!
I had a long chat with vicar - though he's going to do the pastoral thing with me and meet with me and one of the female elders of church, to talk about things. Especially as I'm not going to be around for a few weeks while I get used to the idea that S has a girlfriend.
Throughout the day I found myself thinking a few things.
- If I'd seen a side of him I didn't like, then why am I so upset about it? Because for a few months up until that night we went clubbing it had seemed as though he was warming to me, that things might go somewhere. And suddenly the rug was pulled from under my feet. With no warning.
- It's not her fault. It's not his fault. None of us can help who we fall for (and I'll state here and now - I was not going round saying I was in love with him: I fancied him, liked him, respected him, thought there might be some potential). And I deserve someone who is actually interested in me, likes me... loves me. And I should be spending my time, emotions and love on that person (whenever he turns up - if at all).
- The poor girl! She probably doesn't have much of a clue about how I was feeling. She bowled over, trying to be nice and friendly to someone she kinda knew - and was hit by the ice age! Not exactly grown up and adult of me. Or Christian.
- I was reminded of a time about 3 years ago when I liked a guy in my old church and we could all see the start of something between him and the girl he is still with now. I was on prayer ministry duty at church and she was waiting to be prayed for. I was sat in my chair hoping to ignore it, but no one else went forward. I guess you can predict the rest of the story... Yes I prayed for her (thankfully not about him!) and had to do it again a few weeks later. Before I left my last church, the 3 of us were good friends! So, stranger things could happen.
Rationality still there underneath the crappy, pissed off part of me. The facts are there: he doesn't like me, I'm not overly keen on him either now as I've seen a side of him I don't like, I deserve better, I could see it coming so it shouldn't be a shock. But sometimes emotions take a while to catch up with the facts. |
posted by Calia77 @ 10:07 pm  |
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| 1 Comments: |
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I think emotions ALWAYS take a long time to catch up to the facts. I think my emotions are a few years behind!
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I think emotions ALWAYS take a long time to catch up to the facts. I think my emotions are a few years behind!