| Wednesday, September 12, 2007 |
| Please God, don't send me to Africa! |
I've always had this fear of overseas mission. It's three-fold, really.
Firstly, I've never thought I have the skills people would need, or live the life (ironically I typed 'lie' then, not life!) that would be good enough to be someone who does mission.
Secondly, I've often thought there's enough to do here, why do I go there?
Thirdly, I don't like creepy crawlies, I'm not great with flying, my stomach doesn't cope with hot food, I can't cope with toilets that don't let me sit, I get migraines and sick when I dehydrate, I get sunstroke and burn really easily. So, I'm probably not the ideal candidate to go to Africa on mission.
I've always avoided mission agencies at Christian festivals. I've had this fear that if I talk to them or sign anything, I'd wake up in 3 days time in Africa.
But this Greenbelt was different. This year I sought them out. I talked to them. Shared my idea that is germinating. Can they help?
It kicked off, I think, when I went to India last year. I should never have gone. And wouldn't have, if my ex hadn't dumped me. We were supposed to spend a week in Poland, and suddenly I had a free week of holiday. And a nagging feeling that God wanted me to go, confirmed when my housemate informed me that God had been telling her He wanted me to go.
But India! I love curry, but curry doesn't love me. See point 3: creepy crawlies, heat, hot food, toilet issues. How on earth was I going to survive?
But I did. There was no dehydration or migraines. The creepy crawlies that seemed to swarm the bedrooms of others didn't appear in mine. I don't count a small caterpillar on my pillow when I woke to travel back to the airport an real issue. I survived not eating and drinking during the day.
And since then, there's been this nagging feeling in the back of my mind. If I'm honest, it's been since before then. Since Greenbelt 2006, when I deliberately ignored the mission agency for Eastern Europe. And now have no idea who they were. 'Cos for years I've had this urge to drive a lorry to Romania and help build an orphanage. Though, if you know me and my past, it's probably more to do with the driving the lorry bit than anything (though this was before I reached my liking lorry drivers stage of life).
Anyway, back to the point. India and Eastern Europe (I guess I mean the 'old' Eastern Europe) are areas that are key in my mind. Trafficking of women and children for sex is an issue that's played on my mind for a few years.
So those are the options. There, they're out there now. I can't duck them. What can I do? Do I wait to hear from the agencies? I do I look for contacts myself? Actually, if anyone knows of anyone working in this area in these countries, put me in touch! I'm leaving this to God to start opening putting the signs in place so I can see the right doors.
I you do, please pray for me and this exploratory stage. Life can get a bit bumpy when you start thinking about these things. I hope to go somewhere next year for 2-3 weeks. And then... Who knows? Maybe that will be it. Maybe that will be the start of it. I think of Jackie Pullinger - and that's scary! She just hopped on a boat, landed in Hong Kong, and 30+ years later is still doing that thing. David Wilkerson saw kids in the news and spent the rest of his life (still is) working with teens.
What might I be starting here?
Oliver, sorry, doesn't look like I'll be coming over to Jo'burg after all! |
posted by Calia77 @ 12:57 am  |
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| 4 Comments: |
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I'm glad to see that you're able to get some closure with Churchboy or whoever but to be honest - think this through - at a time when you are coming close to dealing with your inner world you've suddenly become distracted by the outside world...
You may be the next Mother Teresa or Oscar Romero for all I know but don't you think you should settle down and deal with the hardest issue we all have - ourselves?
I am sure that if you do go and do something somewhere in the world you'll do your best and will allow God to work through you but do you think that those opportunities will somehow disappear if you take the time to heal yourself first?
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It sounds to me like you are the perfect candidate to go since you are not sure if its the right thing to do....then if you do end up going you'll be 100% in God's hands and He will take care of the details.
Wow. I can't wait to hear what happens next.
My best friend has been living in Sudan since April and loves it. She spent a few weeks in Darfur and said that was a bit unpleasant do the the lack of "comforts" like inside plumbing, mosquitoes galore and questionable food.
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Whilst I agree that if you aren't sure of a/your calling then that could be a positive sign - does it strike you that a loving father would distract one of his children just when they are trying to come to terms with themselves?
One of the things I find problematic is that you've been on the verge of doing something similar to counseling/spiritual direction in the past and just not bit the bullet - you 'got over' whatever was troubling you at the time but recent/not-so-recent events kinda say that if you aren't lucky you're on a downward spiral and I would much rather you reach out and take some help instead of leveling out until the next storm comes.
It's no bad thing to be nervous and scared of confronting who we are because, sometimes, our greatest fear is that we won't like who we see - and that's a frightening prospect. I am sure that Barbara (aka Layla) would be the first to reassure you that you should like yourself and learn to trust that and that, apart from God, you shouldn't worry what other folk think.
The world's not going to end tomorrow but tomorrow is the day you can reach up and stop the downward cycle and climb to new heights. The world will wait with all its missions and needs - do you think Jesus would want you to be whole and happy before He sends you off on a mission.
Unfortunately, sometimes God does do this but think hard about this C. S. Lewis in The Screwtape Letters shows how easy it is for someone to be ineffective merely by distracting them from attending to their own lives in the humdrum world.
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Are you any closer to figuring out how to figure things out, yet?
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I'm glad to see that you're able to get some closure with Churchboy or whoever but to be honest - think this through - at a time when you are coming close to dealing with your inner world you've suddenly become distracted by the outside world...
You may be the next Mother Teresa or Oscar Romero for all I know but don't you think you should settle down and deal with the hardest issue we all have - ourselves?
I am sure that if you do go and do something somewhere in the world you'll do your best and will allow God to work through you but do you think that those opportunities will somehow disappear if you take the time to heal yourself first?