| Wednesday, December 19, 2007 |
| We are family |
 Christmas. I reckon a lot of you out there are excited about Christmas and spending time with your family. And I reckon another load of you are, if not dreading it, at least facing it with some trepidation because of family.
Family's a funny thing. You (generally) can't choose it. Those you share genes with you have no choice about. Those who become part of the family because of love, again you have no choice about. Thank goodness you can choose your friends!
My family's fairly normal. Well, I say that. I guess I'm lucky. My parents are still alive and married and, at the age of 30, I still have 3 grandparents, which is unusual. I don't have any cousin, so my generation is just me and my brother (there are some sons and daughters of my parents' cousins around, but they don't really count as we didn't grow up really knowing them). I kinda feel I don't really fit with my family. I think I'm most like my Grandma who died when I was 18 - before I got to the stage when I realised I'd like to get to know my grandparents a bit better. But it's too late for her and my other grandparents aren't really on the chatty side. I think to them family's just something you 'do' but talk about it. They don't talk about feelings. In fact, I often feel that as a family we talk a lot to each other about each other, but not really to each other.
I'm not looking forward to Christmas. I'm spending Sunday night through to Thursday morning with my parents in a hotel - a Travelodge, so just the basics there - near my Grandad's. We're doing something completely different and have upset the apple cart on the other side of the family. Grandad has a tiny bungalow with about 4 chairs, and on Christmas Day my brother and his girlfriend are making an appearance too - they're at her sister's which is near to my Grandad. So that will make 6 of us with only 4 chairs in a tiny little bungalow which is bound to be too hot as Grandad always has the heating WAY up. Oh, and did I mention I've fallen out with my brother's girlfriend because she objected to me putting pictures of her on Facebook and wrote a snotty message on my wall about it. So I took the photos off and unfriended her. Along with a number of other people I decided I didn't want to be 'friends' with (part of my plan to wean myself off Facebook and back into the real world). So that'll all be fun, fun, fun! And then Boxing Day my Dad's 'strange' cousin is coming over.
And bear in mind I hate being trapped in a place I can't escape, hate losing my freedom to roam (which is why I love London so much - the transport! I might be unreliable and expensive, but at least I can go where I want pretty much when I want) and need 'me' time and space each day.
Of course there will be arguments. My parents argue almost continually. And more so when they get stressed, which Mum will after an 8-hour journey, unfamiliar kitchen to cook in. Of course, she's already stressed. Dad's had to fly to Germany for work suddenly and there's bound to be a problem with his flight back on Friday. There will be snow and we'll all get stuck in various places. Then the car will break down so they won't be able to use the roof box for all their stuff and Grandma and Grandad's (who they're dropping off at my uncle and aunt). Of course there will be food she can't take (because they should have gone on Monday not Sunday) and when she gets there all the shops will have sold out of food. On on it goes...
And there's also the fact my mother thinks I'm depressed about being single and 30. Well, I'm fed up with being single, but I more fed up with being treated as though I'm depressed about it and it can border on Bridget Jones territory. I sometimes feel they'd all happily have Christmas sorted if they didn't have to worry about the spinster daughter to mess things up!
Slightly off on a tangent, but I wonder sometimes if I sabotage potential relationships because I fear introducing them to my family. With a father who insists on embarrassing me when he's around people (and it has been commented on by a friend), a grandfather who's bordering on nationalist (I know it's his age/generation, but with very few of my 'relationships' being with nice, white English boys there have been a few conversations that have needed a sneaky escape from) and other grandparents who can't quite understand why at 27 and 30 my brother and I aren't married (though at least he's living with his girlfriend, so he's one step ahead - and 3 years younger), I'm sure there's a subconscious level to it.
So, Christmas. I'm looking forward to those days after Christmas when I'm back in London and I'm not working. I'm sure I'll be bored 'cos there'll be no one around. But at least I'll have my freedom.
I guess I could sum this up much simpler: family just isn't the centre of my world. Maybe marriage and kids would change that, but at this time, my friends are my 'family', London is my home (does it bug anyone else that 30-year-olds who've lived away from home for 12 years, are married, own a house, etc. still call their parents' place 'home', or is it just me? No, I'm not 'going home' for Christmas, I live at home. I'm going to visit my family.) and just because people who are finding their place in this new family - my family - have done family differently all their lives, doesn't mean I'm going to suddenly become 'Family Jo' (yes, that's the brother's girlfriend again. But don't get me started on her relationship with her family).
Merry Christmas to my blog friends out there, and a Happy New Year. I hope 2008 is full of many blessings, joys and excitements for you. |
posted by Calia77 @ 1:20 am  |
|
|
|
|
|
