| Wednesday, August 22, 2007 |
| Going away |
I'm off to Greenbelt from Thursday through to Tuesday. Yay!
I'm volunteering at the Organic Beer Tent - a happy Jo will emerge. A Christian festival and being a barmaid - what more could she want?
See ya next week. If you're there - check me out at the Organic Beer tent. |
posted by Calia77 @ 10:45 pm  |
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| Sunday, August 19, 2007 |
| One word. No explanations. |
1. Yourself: trouble
2. Your spouse: none
3. Your hair: medium
4. Your mother: tired
5. Your father: boring
6. Your favorite item: camera
7. Your dream last night: crazy
8. Your favorite drink: Ribena
9. Your dream car: affordable
10. The room you are in: bedroom
11. Your ex: idiot
12. Your fear: unlovable
13. What you want to be in 10 years: free
14. Who you hung out with last night: family
15. What you're not: straightforward
16. Muffins: blueberry
17: One of your wish list items: love
18: Time: relative
19. The last thing you did: washing
20. What you are wearing: jeans
21. Your favorite weather: autumn
22. Your favorite book: Discworld
23. The last thing you ate: ice cream
24. Your life: messy
25. Your mood: cold
26. Your best friend: Lisa
27. What you're thinking about right now: sleep
28. Your car: none
29. What you are doing at the moment: this!
30. Your summer: complicated
31. Your relationship status: messy
32. What is on your TV: nowt
33. What is the weather like: cool
34. When was the last time you laughed: today |
| posted by Calia77 @ 8:07 pm |
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| Sunday, August 12, 2007 |
| I'm thinking about going for counselling |
I've found details of a Christian counselor near me. My vicar's also talked about finding me a spiritual director.
I feel stuck. I know I need to re-connect with God, but I don't know how to do it. And I don't feel safe enough anywhere to be vulnerable and be prayed for a new anointing of the Holy Spirit. Because I know it could get messy.
So I'm living this life that seems to be going nowhere, plodding along. I put all my energies into being happy and upbeat at work - and get home wanting to relax, unwind, not have to 'pretend', and am either assaulted by housemates' wanting to talk: or there's no one in at all. There's no balance. I've been lonely in this house for over
And as for the fact that I'm fighting with myself inside about this guy at work. The temptation to say 'yes' is great - particularly when I'm lonely.
I know the answer is to connect with God. I know that. But I can't seem to get there. I need some help. |
| posted by Calia77 @ 9:38 am |
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| Tuesday, August 07, 2007 |
| Simpson irony |
 I was visting friends last week and thought their fridge Homer looked a little under-dressed. On going to remedy that, I found these clothes for him. The irony is not lost on me.
The boys - and I - were all a little shame-faced yesterday morning, my first day back in the office after 'the incident'. Too right we should be!!! T, the more persistent of the 2 (Bad Chef, we call him, as opposed to Good Chef - not Cop!) just laughed when I said Hi. Not nastily, just a little embarrassed. It's his birthday next week and he asked me today if I was still going out for drinks with them - my first response was, "How many are you having?", to which he replied: "Not as many as last time!" I think we're cool.
C - Good Chef - though. Saw him first on Monday from a distance. He was carrying something and held it up to his face when he saw me, in a mildly embarrassed way. We're cool too.
Though... I'm struggling with it. Temptation is there. I know I could have Good Chef (or Bad Chef) at the click of a finger. Which is nothing to be proud of, I know. But I do fancy GC. And there's that longing, that desire: here's someone who wants me, who I have chemistry with, and to be honest, I'm just longing for some physical affection. BUT I know I don't want anything more. I fancy him, but I don't know him well enough to know if I like him - and I plan to keep it that way. I'd be using him, plain and simple. And I'm sure he'd just be after a bit on the side, too.
Need to work on this. Work through this with God. I'm facing temptation, staring it in the face on a daily basis. It's very, very tempting. I mean, this guy is cute with a very fine body! The enemy knows my weakness, and is waving it under my nose.
And I'm staring back at it. It's like temptation is a cavern: we me on the one side and it (or him, in this case) on the other. There's a bridge across it, but unlike the Indiana Jones bridge which appears when you step out in faith, this bridge is just an illusion. The minute you step on it, it's gone, and you plummet into the cavern.
I have to remember to cover myself in prayer daily, hourly, by the minute, by the second. Otherwise, it could get very messy. |
| posted by Calia77 @ 8:14 pm |
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