Shatterproof is my new blog for 2007. 2006 was the year of the Jo. 2007 is about that solid core inside me that keeps me from shattering completely. 2007 is about God, and the transformation of me and my life I hope for in Him.
Welcome readers, old and new, to Shatterproof
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
It's (still) raining men
Nothing major to report, I just liked the pictures and love this song!
Went to cinema with blind date guy last week. Still not overly sure, but as long as I don't promise anything I can't see why going out as friends is a bad thing. He did send a text at the weekend suggesting we go to the British Museum. But I told him I had no weekends until January - which I thought was true! But I may be wrong. My diary is all over the place at the moment. We start Christmas carol service practices this weekend. Then I give my first preach. Then it's the Christmas season. Anyway, digression. He sent me a picture today - he dressed up as The Hulk for a Halloween party. Only he'd cut his fact out of the picture - nice green six pack! :-)
As for the others. Haven't heard from the 19-year-old. Pretty Turkish barman wanted to know why I hadn't called. I told him I wasn't saying no - just we'll see. Friends think I shouldn't. I think he's pretty. But pretty gets me into trouble. Maybe I need to learn to leave the pretty alone! But again, who knows?
Good Chef and I aren't talking as much. Mainly 'cos he's been on his own as Bad Chef's been on his hols for 2 weeks. But that's not such a bad thing. I still get the pangs every so often - 'cos he is pretty (I know, walk away from the pretty!) - but they're lessening. I did find myself flirting badly - or very well, depending on how you're looking at it! - on Friday. And he was equally bad/good. But nothing these last 2 days.
None of them are Christians though. I started to get disheartened over the weekend. Maybe I'm looking for something I'm never going to find?
I was at my theology course this weekend. The guy I'm going to be teaching with - who was my tutor when I was on the course - I suddenly realised he's the kind of guy I'm looking for. He's married. NO, this isn't another one of those. I'm not pining for him. But his qualities. He's a strong Christian, strong in his faith. He's intelligent - I'm not looking for Einstein, but someone I can have a conversation with. He's charismatic - warm, friendly, easy to talk to. If I could find one like him... Perhaps.
But ultimately, I have to trust that God has His hand over me. Whatever is His will. Whoever - if anyone - is His will. And even if it is His will it won't be easy.
Men are like buses. You wait for ages for one to come along, then a whole bunch turn up together. Though, they're often not the right one!
Two barmen at the local bar to where I work seem keen. Another case of being friendly! But... one of them's 19! And the other - cute, but... Well, we shall see.
Oh, and I'm going on a second date with the blind date I went on a few weeks ago. Nice guy, but there was no chemistry. Still, I always give them a second chance.
Today I had a conversation with a certain young man I work with. I told him that the things that had happened between us were not going to happen again. I like him, I fancy him, but it would never be more than that and I didn't want to wreck his marriage or my chances of meeting someone for just a wee fling.
That took some doing. That's the first time I've told a guy I really like 'No'. It was hard, but I am pleased I did it. If tinged with a little regret because he's so lush! But that's temptation - he wouldn't be tempting if I didn't fancy him and it would have been easy to have said 'No' in the first place.
"Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want." ~Margaret Young
My current Facebook song lyric status tells the world I'm holding out for a hero. Am I? I'd like to think I am, but sometimes I'm just holding out for the first man that walks across my path.
I went to a Christian singles party last weekend. The high point of the party was bumping into the guy I met at the last party, who I went on 2 dates with and he told me there was no chemistry (I think I agonised about this back in Feb/March. Also turns out he did the same thing around the same time to another girl I know!) That was the HIGH point of the night!
I'm not asking for a hunk - but I wouldn't turn one down! Just a regular guy would be nice. Someone who's not a coward and is prepared to ask me out, to challenge me. Someone who has a strong faith, but who isn't afraid of questioning or stretching it. Someone who's at ease with himself - someone with a bit of ZING! I know Christian guys have had to contend with the 'look at a woman in lust and you've committed adultery' message rammed down their throat, but the seem to then go one of 2 ways - suppress it completely until they're almost asexual, or act out (and yes, it does take one to know one, because women struggle with this too).
Sure, a hero would be nice. Sweep me off my feet. Handsome, strong, go-getting. Yeah, that would be fantastic!
As part of my spiritual direction session, my director asked me what one thing I could do to get towards my goal of feeling more connected with God. My answer was to read the Bible. But how? Although an avid reader, I find it hard to read the Bible - what a confession for a Christian, eh? And then it came to me - I could blog it!
So, over the next 4 weeks I'm going to blog the book of James on my new blog: Jo's Bible blog.
Hopefully this could be the start of something. It's going to be no Tom Wright, but you never know what I might come up with.
And perhaps this will help me in my quest to become more connected, to become more whole as a person, because at the moment I'm not sure how many me's there are.
"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
And hopefully I'll soon know what the desires of my heart are.
