Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them. "Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything. "When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.' So he got up and went to his father.

"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. "The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' "But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.

"Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 'Your brother has come,' he replied, 'and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.' "The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, 'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!'

" 'My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' "

Do you ever find yourself as the elder son? I do. A lot more than I'm happy with. I find myself seething when people get away with things that I think they shouldn't. I feel affronted when someone's one-off grand gesture is treated with great thanks, whilst my consistent, continual gestures are ignored and over-looked. I seethe when another takes credit for what I've done.

I'm the elder son. I'm Martha. Still not entirely convinced that I cannot do any more or any less to be forgiven. So I work and work and work at making myself feel as though I deserve it. I work myself into the ground with committees and groups and favours.

And I let the grudges I feel build up inside me. I watch as someone gets away with more than I did. I struggle to forgive those who've let me down. I certainly don't try to forget. I put in place the boundaries to protect me from further hurt.

And I loiter outside the party. Wanting to go in, yet feeling aggrieved. I see the lavishness showered upon that person who only hours ago was doing so much wrong. And now...

And yet... inside me a little part of me grows colder with each grudge I hang on to. And I want to let it go. To hand it over to Him. I don't want it to eat me up from the inside-out; turn me into a bitter and twisted shell of myself.