Shatterproof is my new blog for 2007. 2006 was the year of the Jo. 2007 is about that solid core inside me that keeps me from shattering completely. 2007 is about God, and the transformation of me and my life I hope for in Him.
Welcome readers, old and new, to Shatterproof
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Went on another date!
Went to the cinema last night. Saw Hot Fuzz. Loved it! But then I am easily pleased in a cinema - something to laugh at, a big bucket of popcorn and a large drink (still feeling sick from them), and great company and I'm happy!
And the company was good! I'm thinking I quite like this guy. And am hoping to see him again. Looking forward to it.
Do I call? Or do I wait? I've never done this before!
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. 1 Corinthians 10:13
Recently my MP3 broke - actually, not that recently. Before I went to India, so back mid-November. I sent it back. But forgot to send the software - I'd unpacked it and mislaid it. I finally found it and sent it on. It never arrived.
In the UK we have different ways of sending things by post. We have Special Delivery - it requires a signature, it is guaranteed the next day and you can insure things over £32. I send the player that way. The software, however, I didn't want to spend another almost £5 to send, so I sent it Recorded Delivery - this requires a signature, is not guaranteed to be delivered any faster than normal first or second class post, and you can only claim up to £32.
The software never arrived. I was looking at being almost £80 out of pocket. I was mad! Mad at myself for the hassle. The mad at Royal Mail for losing it.
So I claimed - the full value of the player, almost £82. And I waited. A few weeks after sending in my claim - about 3 weeks ago - I received a letter from them to say they were looking into it. 2 days after that I had a call from the supplier of the player to ask for my card details to give me my refund (this was not a scam - I've had the money returned to my bank).
Part of the deal of claiming through Royal Mail is that if your goods turn up or you get compensation from another source, you should tell them so that they do not compensate you. I forgot to tell them. Absent minded, I just never got around to doing it. I was so convinced they'd never cough up the dosh, I forgot all about it. Because if they didn't, it didn't matter - I was refunded for my player.
Got home today and there was a letter from Royal Mail waiting for me. With a cheque for £32!
Now here's a test. They messed me around, I spent more money on postage than I should have to make sure they received my claim, they'd never know I'd had the money, as they have no proof that the delivery was ever made, and to be honest... I've not checked.
So... who'd know if I kept it?
Well me. You guys. And God.
So, as much as the extra £32 would be helpful - it would update my virus software - I can't keep it. I need to send it back (yet another darned stamp!) and say thanks, but I can't keep it.
Hah! The questions were far too obvious... they should have put some tougher ones in to weed out the blaggers like me!
You know the Bible 100%!
Wow! You are awesome! You are a true Biblical scholar, not just a hearer but a personal reader! The books, the characters, the events, the verses - you know it all! You are fantastic!
OK. I'm over-exaggerating that a bit! The guy I met last Saturday night called yesterday and we went for a drink. Then he's texted today!
And the lovely S has been seeming a bit more interested. OK, again, I'm stretching the truth there a little. But he's more talkative, has MSN'd me today about a party we're going to tonight (quick outfit change once I knew he was going!)
It's all a bit complicated! And confusing. And I don't know who's the distraction? S or A (Mr Saturday Night).
Added on to all that and seeing my ex yesterday (looking rather nice, and actually behaving nice!), I didn't get to sleep until 4.30 this morning!
So, last night I went to this singles night. Actually, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. There were a reasonable number of guys there, though only about 40% of the total number of people there, and of them about half were within my age range. Went with my housemate, so that meant guys talked to us as a pair. The last guy who spoke to us was cute! Also lives in North London near us, which is a bonus. He took my number. And my housemate's user name for the dating website they've both signed up to recently. She thinks he likes me. I thought he liked her. We'll see.
Now I have to make a confession. Was looking for this guy today on that dating site. And the only way I could do that was to sign up myself! I know I said I'd never do that again. But you know what... it's funny who you find on there. A certain young man I have a wee thing for appears to be on the site. As recently as checking it today! Hmm.
So, the new me has a new resolution. The guy does the running, the chasing. My crush thinks that's the case... and he can't be wrong, can he? Last night I was prepared to refuse to take a guy's number - if he wants to see me, HE calls me! And on this website - I've been me on it. And they're coming for me. If they want. Thankfully it's free. Will be interesting to see if a certain young man finds me and acknowledges it. As for me... I'm keeping that quiet that I know about him being on there. For now, anyway!
UPDATE
I've been pondering on this one. Because I like to do that... the whole 'do not worry' thing seems to have bypassed me!
Anyhoo... so this is how it went. I signed onto the site. Started searching for the guy I met last night, whose username I knew. I thought he was 31, so searched the 31-35 men, using the find function in Mozilla - so wasn't even looking at the names. Just Ctrl+F. By the time I got to the end of the pages I realised I probably wasn't doing this right. So I looked at a few of the end pages. Then hit page 10. And lo and behold I see this name that could only be one person. But that I so would not have expected to see on the site. One click later, sat there in a state of minor shock - who'd've thought it?
Anyway, I found Mr Last Night in the 26-30 age group! He wasn't 31 after all!
Tomorrow night I'm going to a Christian singles evening. I'm not quite sure why. And I'm not quite sure what I'm going to make of it!
OK, I tell a wee porky here - I'm going to meet guys. There. It's out there. I've said it. I am sad and desperate!
The truth is, though, I'm not sure what to make of it. It's been a while since a guy's been interested in me, and I still hold a certain amount of self-doubt about myself to think that a guy is going to be interested in meeting me. I mean, I say to myself, what have I got to offer? What can I talk about? I'm not up-to-date on current affairs, I'm not interested in politics, celebrity culture. I don't watch TV at the moment, and my job is an administrator - I supposed I could talk about proof-reading, editing and booking meetings. But that's not exactly interesting.
I guess a certain amount of what I'm feeling is about the fact that I can't actually see myself being interested in anyone I might meet there. I have an unhealthy dose of cynicism about it - and that's not a good thing. Fear and disinterest all mixed up in the confusion about God's will.
Do I need to hunt down a man (and if you hunt too well you get a kill - and a dead man isn't a good idea!), or do I need to watch and wait for what God brings into my life through the things I do. There's still a big part of me that thinks I need to wait. What for? Who for? For S? I'm not sure. Tiny little things are happening with S - and I mean tiny! So what do I do?
I guess I don't want to be subjected to the questions - why am I still single at nearly 30? Why haven't I dated much? Why have I not followed God's will (which is a major teaching at the moment in this group, thanks to a book by Debbie Maken called Getting Serious About Getting Married). I'm still single because only 1 person has ever asked me - and I decided (eventually) that I wanted more that life without him could offer. And I still believe that was the right decision.
The fact that I could have been married at 22 is quite scary. I'm nearly 30 and barely feel ready enough to approach a relationship with that end in mind. How could I have done so at 21? Would I have been just another statistic - a single mum with an ex around. Possible still living in North Devon, hating my life. I may think that there's something missing in my life now, but there's a lot less than there was then. Now I have a stronger relationship with God. Maybe the time is getting nearer to being right.
At 21 I was too young.
22 having too much of a 'good time' - a good time by society's standards.
At 23 I was nearing a breakdown.
At 24 I broke.
25 I started the healing process.
26 was a continuation of that.
As was 27.
28 was a year of attack - in preparation for 29, the year of all change.
So... what will 30 bring? I don't know. But actually, when I'm in an 'up' mood, I'm happy with being single - because I know that God is in charge no matter what.
And you know... He'll still be in charge tomorrow night. So what am I worried about? I just need to put on a dress, do up my face, and 'Hello world! Here's Jo!'
"There are people whose lives are waiting to be affected by what God has placed within you. So evaluate yourself. Define and refine your gifts, talents, and strengths. Choose today to look for opportunities to exercise your unique, God-endowed, God-ordained gifts and calling." An Enemy Called Average, John L. Mason
If it is not good for man to be alone, and woman is made for man, then no wonder I have the struggle with being single, no wonder I feel this compulsion around men I find attractive - a desire, an urge to be held, to be kissed. Sometimes it's so powerful I have to stop myself from throwing myself at them. For it would be as destructive as the moth drawn to a flame. Once I do it, I'm toast!
God, help me with this compulsion. I need to draw near to God to meet that desperation inside me. But all the while I'm longing for someone to hold me, to love me, to tell me I am special. To tell me I am loved.
